We had 'Characters you meet at the races during the spring carnival' but we didn't cover them all so here are 10 more...
1. The Over-racer
Wakes up at 6am.
Showered and suited up by 7am.
First froffy down by 7:30am.
The Over-racer flies out of the gates like Fab Fevola and has everyone else off the bit and chasing at the halfway point of the race (day). At 2pm he's parading like a million dollar colt but by 3.30pm there are calls for him to be gelded. It's impossible to get The Over-racer to settle so you just have to let him run knowing that he's going to be vulnerable late.
2. The Punting Nerd
The Punting Nerd comes armed with a laptop, binoculars, mobile phone, multiple chargers and a blueprint of the racecourse to determine the most efficient location to access power points, TV screens and bathroom facilities. The Nerd is far more interested in the fillies on the track than off it and has calculated his chances of picking up at 0%.
3. The Opportunistic Owner
The Opportunistic Owner is happy to throw his horse in an utterly unwinnable race at headquarters in the interests of free race tickets, free sandwiches and maybe two or three complimentary beers. When you're scrolling through the Flemington race fields and you see a 50-rater who has been flogged at Murtoa last start you are really looking at an owner(s) who is going to make the absolute most of his acceptance fee.
4. The First-starter
The First-starter has the choice of two suits - the suit he wore to his school formal which is now slightly too small, or dad's suit which is too big. Him and his mates wander into Flemington like startled deer before devising a plan on how to best procure alcohol. Two hours later The First-starter is blotto and holding up a long line of disgruntled punters by taking an age to get coins out of his velcro wallet at the TAB counter.
5. The Shout Dodger
Like a Group One hoop, The Shout Dodger always seems to time his run to perfection, disappearing to the toilet or betting ring whenever it is his shout for beers. Because punters are ravenous grog monsters, no one ever wants to wait 5 minutes so someone else from the group subs in for The Dodger.
6. The Blind Bat
The Blind Bat is a half-brother to The Early Crow - both are renowned for going off half-cocked during a race before generally coming to a crushing realisation. The Blind Bat can barely make out the big screen, let alone the horses on it, but he's always confident that he's cheering the right Weir runner home down the straight. When The Bat's runner cruises home to score he'll be dishing out high fives like they're going out of fashion before being told by an eagle-eyed mate that he was cheering home the wrong horse and that his runner is just crossing the line... right... now.
7. The Tip Abuser
The Tip Abuser: "What do you like in the next mate?
You: "Having something small on the toppy but not overly confident."
The Tip Abuser: "Righto, I'll follow you in."
Minutes later, the toppy finishes fourth and The Tip Abuser, who you'd yet never met prior to your brief encounter earlier, comes striding towards you spouting all manner of obscenities. "That was the worst f***** tip I've ever been given in my life. Stick to your day job mate cos you're a f***** useless tipster."
It was an absolute pleasure to meet you Tip Abuser.
8. The Table Reserver
The Table Reserver plays the important role of securing 'the group' the best possible spot for the day at the races. The individual charged with this task generally fits the following criteria:
- Responsible: They haven't been out getting shit-carted the night before because they don't want to run the risk of sleeping in and missing the kick
- Fit/able: They don't have a history of soft tissue injuries.
- Well-organised: They have visualised the route to the table knowing that a wrong turn could lead to significant chiding from the group.
- Resilient: Once the table is secured they are vigilant with holding the chairs. No giveaways to the first pretty girl that wanders over asking if she can steal "just one."
9. The Chaser
"We'll dig our way out."
The Chaser bases his whole punting philosophy on the not-so-wise words of the great Homer Simpson. If 'The Get-out Stakes' at Flemington is not a fruitful venture, it's off to Darwin, Carnarvon, The Gardens dogs, whatever Pike is riding in the next in WA, whatever Moreira is riding in Honkers... The Vaal 👻.
10. The Train Wanker
The last thing you need after doing your plums on the punt is to get on the train and cop some peanut doing chin-ups in the carriage. The Train Wanker thrives on being the centre of attention and makes the 15-minute journey to Flinders Street feel like an eternity. Known for belting out footy theme songs and bogan ballads.