Follow these and both your pocket and mates will thank you ...

1. Never say "I would’ve backed it …", "I was gonna do this but ..." or "I knew that would happen …” after the race. Seriously, this is the absolute pits.

2. Never say “did you have that?” in reference to your mate’s quaddie when the $60 shot with zero form lobs. There’s a fair chance if they had it you’d know about it.

3. Never point out the $60 shot that your mate didn't have "actually did have some form." Show some respect to the fallen please. 

4. If Craig Williams slaughters one in the market that you’ve backed, always have something on the camel he’s riding in the next. Trust us, the dough you do if it doesn’t win will hurt less than the salt in the wound if it does and you haven’t backed it. 

5. The #BackWeirDrinkBeer maxim is fine, except for when he has five or six horses in the same bloody race. Maybe sit out when that's the case. 

6. Never throw the $1.20 pop at Dalby/Moe/Canarvon etc. in your multi to “add some extra juice.” This will almost certainly result in zero juice and the need for both a new TV remote and/or screen.

7. Always shout your mate if you’ve had a good day. Particularly if it’s 9pm and said mate is still searching for his first winner at Cannington.

8. Don’t bet at Cannington. Unless of course you’re among the 0.1% of punters that knows something about it.

9. Always have an emergency supply of baked beans and/or two minute noodles buried away at the bottom of the cupboard. It’s a peaks and valleys affair, this game (#TheGreatGame).

10. Try not to gloat with “how did they bet [insert overs price]?” after you’ve just backed a winner that’s shortened considerably. Just be happy with your fill-up FFS. 

11. If engaged in a group quaddie, do not have a sneaky side quaddie.

12. If you absolutely must have a sneaky side quaddie, at least hide your sh*t-eating grin if you happen to get up.